Surgery is Scary

We were told last Monday that Anna needs to have surgery to fix her crossed eyes.  We weren't surprised or shocked.  We hadn't seen any improvement with the patching, and we had read a lot of information about strabismus (misaligned eyes).  Everything we read about her condition seemed to point to surgery as the answer.  So we were pretty much just waiting for the doctor to confirm what we already knew.

But as we sat there in the doctor's office, hearing the procedure explained as a "when" rather than an "if" and hearing the risks involved...and actually marking a date for the surgery to take place...it all suddenly became real.  And a little frightening.  Even though I know that the risks are statistically very small, and even though the doctor specializes in this procedure and has done it hundreds of times, and even though I want the problem to be fixed...even though my mind tells me that everything will be fine and there's no reason to worry...I worry.  Because she's my baby girl.  And I love her more than life.  And the thought of even the possibility of anything bad happening to her is terrifying.

I wish she didn't need surgery!  I hate the thought of handing her over to doctors and nurses to be poked and prodded and put under and operated on.  I hate the thought of waiting over an hour to be told that everything went well and to see and hold her again.

Most of all, I hate that there's nothing I can do to fix it.  Everything else I've been able to fix for her.  I feed her when she's hungry.  I help her to fall asleep.  I comfort her when she's hurt.  But this is out of my hands.  I have to literally put my baby girl in the hands of strangers (competent and skilled strangers, but still strangers).  And I have to trust them to fix her eyes.

All I can do is pray.  Pray and have faith that the Lord will watch over her and that everything will be fine.  And there's no reason why everything won't be just fine!  But it's still scary.

(Also, for anyone who is interested, I found this website that explains Anna's condition really well.  You can also read Derek's blog post which explains the surgery in more detail.)